Folks, Meet Natalie Green (Recap episode 2-11 "Sex Symbol")

"Men who are with lots of women are considered studs, while women who are with lots of men are considered sluts!" It's such an old trope, yet we're still mired in it today.

Like most of society's problems, that double standard has its origins in the gender binary. The discussion has become more open and toxic masculinity is starting to get the recognition and derision it deserves, and, as always, our beloved Facts addressed it early on, imperfectly, but ahead of its time. When I first revisited this episode to write this recap, I was annoyed for a while at it, but it came together OK at the end. I will grumble about the slut-shaming and a missed opportunity to really promote sex positivity, but this episode is ultimately a win.

If for no other reason, this episode is special because it is the first with the reduced cast to center on Natalie. Recall that Mindy Cohn wasn't an actress when she was cast in Facts. Charlotte Rae met her while visiting Westlake School in LA to do research for her part as Mrs. G. Charlotte Rae thought Mindy Cohn was so funny and adorable that she was a natural and would fit right in. In the first couple of seasons you can tell she's not a pro, especially when she has to purse her lips to keep from laughing at her own jokes. It's adorable. 

It's no secret that Natalie is my favorite. Jo was crucial to me growing up, but in retrospect, so much of what I've become and how I see the world came from Natalie. Here, the first time that an episode of the new Facts revolves around Natalie, we start getting some glimpses of the woke, politically active, sex-positive badass who would become one of my heroes.

We open at a party in the cafeteria where Blair has a boy on each arm (remember that for later), Jo looks annoyed, and Tootie and Natalie look depressed. Mrs. Garrett reminds them that it's a mixer and encourages them to go mix. She disappoints me by encouraging Natalie and Tootie to go hang out with these two yahoos.

Also, Tootie is in seventh grade and Natalie is in eighth grade at this point. As an old bag, I want to cringe at kids that young trying to date.  But one of the most exciting moments of my life was slow-dancing with a particular boy in sixth grade, and my first deep crush goes all the way back to third grade when I was desperately in love with a fifth grader named Bryan. And that’s not even counting John Stamos and Mike Reno.

Despite having my approval, Natalie is hesitant. Tootie reminds her that she's never had trouble getting along with anyone. It's true, and one of the reasons she becomes so awesome. At this point though, she's very comfortable in groups but nervous one-on-one, especially with a boy. Tootie further encourages her and picks Natalie's target.

Natalie: "Maybe he's waiting for someone."

Tootie: "Maybe he's waiting for you."

When the hell did Tootie get so good at this? This doesn't seem like the same girl who tries to George Glass her way out of an overnight camping trip with Bates next season.

Natalie agrees: "What is with you? Do you get a finder's fee or something?"

Folks, meet actor Dan Spector, who appears to have recently returned to acting after a decade-long hiatus. There was nothing wrong with him as 80s teenage heartthrob, but Lordy he grew up real nice.

Natalie: "Hello! You know, you're one lucky guy. The guy I was supposed to talk to was called away on an emergency. His pet snake had a heart attack. The vet thinks it's stress, but I think it's cholesterol. Hi. I'm Natalie Green."

Hm. Not the smoothest or most elegant of intros, but silly enough to be interesting. Indeed, the boy, who introduces himself as Neil Richards, seems delighted.

Neil: "I'm a sophomore at Bates."

Natalie: "Noooo, I thought you were here to check the gas meter."

Neil: ...

Natalie: "Um, just a little joke there. But stick around, I get much funnier."

Neil: "I think you have a real good sense of humor!"

Natalie: "So do you!"

Neil: "But I haven't said anything funny."

Natalie: "Oh, you will, if not today, then tomorrow."

Neil: "Tomorrow?"

Natalie: "What time?"

Day-um! It’s no wonder I didn’t struggle with the crippling lack of self-confidence that so many teenage girls do. I may not have been cognizant of it, but I’ve been absorbing and executing lessons from Facts since I was but a wee lassie.

And also Natalie is badass. She and Neil make a study date for the next day and say their goodbyes before Natalie hustles Tootie into the lounge, where she says:

"I think I just swept someone off his feet."

Well done, my sister.

The next day, Tootie paces back and forth in the girls' bedroom while Jo and Blair study. It's almost 6:00 and Natalie hasn't returned from her 4:00 study date! Blair pooh-poohs, Jo mocks, and Natalie returns.

Awwww. I remember early dating and the attendant bliss. 

Turns out that at their romantic study carrel in the corner of the library, their algebra books touched, and he asked her out on her first real burger and movie date for this Saturday.

Fade to the cafeteria the next day, where Tootie helps Mrs. Garrett fill salt shakers as Jo, Blair, and Natalie enter. Mrs. G has been taking messages from boys all day. Naturally, we all assume they're for Blair. 

They're not.

Natalie is delighted that Neil called, but doesn't know what to make of the messages from Tom, Henry, and Brian. She and Blair both insist that Mrs. G must've misheard, but no, all three boys were very clear about wanting to study with Natalie over the next three consecutive days. 

The phone rings, and to everyone's relief, it's for Blair. Johnny has called to talk to Blair about...

...Natalie.

Blair reluctantly tells Mrs. Garrett and the rest of the girls that the reason Natalie has been getting so many study dates is that Neil has been telling everyone that she's "real easy to get along with. Y'know - real easy."

Obviously it was outrageous for Neil to lie about the date, but I am disappointed that the girls go straight to slut-shaming. Mrs. Garrett vetoes Jo's suggestion of violence, but Jo talks about the need to protect your reputation and Natalie worries that she'll be ruined. Mrs. G blows it off, figuring that it will blow over, and leaves the girls alone so the next scene can happen.

Blair means well when she says that the story is unbelievable to anyone who knows Natalie anyway, but when Jo and Tootie join in to celebrate the hilarity of Natalie as a sex symbol, the trio goes too far.

The phone rings and Tootie answers. It's Neil for Natalie. Tootie, Jo, and Blair encourage Natalie to tell him off. Natalie turns back to the cafeteria while the other girls continue to laugh. 

An indignant Natalie makes sure the girls can hear as she tells Neil they're still on for Saturday, and she's looking forward to it.

Her friends are shocked, and Natalie retorts that if they think it's so hilarious that dudes might line up around the corner to go out with her, they'll see. 

"From now on, it's goodbye Natalie, hello Hot Lips!"

A few days later, we’re back to the cafeteria, where word has gotten around about Natalie’s dates and Sue Ann, Nancy, and Cindy are being gossipy bitches. Apparently Natalie is right up there with “Home run Helen” on the gossip circuit.

Playing the second guest star who will matter this episode and then never be seen or heard from again is actress Holly Gagnier, who has a very long and steady acting career. Most importantly, I just discovered that she played the villain in Girls Just Want to Have Fun! If you are reading this blog and you have not yet seen that movie, see it immediately. It’s an 80s classic featuring Sarah Jessica Parker and Helen Hunt as girls at a Catholic high school and a tiny, wee, pre-90210 Shannen Doherty. 

Tootie and Jo, indignant, tell the witches off. An opportunity to make an excellent sex-positive statement gets blown as their ire is not because anyone’s sex life is no one’s business, but because Natalie is their friend and she’s “Pure as the driven snow.”

Natalie: “Hot stuff comin’!”

Blair criticizes Natalie for making the study dates when Neil is “soiling her good name,” and Natalie retorts that “It’s more fun than studying alone.” Jo says that all the rumors are making her want to hit someone, and Natalie reminds her that she never asked Jo to defend her honor, and Jo clarifies that she’s just as happy to make Natalie her target.

The three Season One witches at the gossip table tell Natalie that they heard about her hot date with Neil the next day.

Nancy: “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Natalie: “Thanks, Nancy! That gives me a lot of leeway!”

I love you, Natalie.

The gossip squad flits out, leaving Natalie and Helen alone in the cafeteria. Natalie is kind to Helen as she asks her if it bothers her to be called “Home run Helen.” Helen says it doesn’t anymore, and that she shouldn’t let the gossip mongers get to her; they’re just jealous. Natalie asks and Helen clarifies that “Home run Helen” means exactly what it seems to mean.

Helen asks Natalie why she…does it, and Natalie replies, “For the same reasons you…do it.”

Helen is surprised. “But you’re so popular!” she exclaims.

Natalie: “You’re popular too!”

Helen: “No, I’m just…busy.”

Oh, I see. The slutty girl is truly very lonely and is using sex to self-destructively fill a hole inside her. By no means am I denying that many girls do that. It is absolutely a thing that should be discussed openly with and among teenagers. But it's so unreasonable and insulting to continue to insist that the only options are Madonna and whore, or what whore is inherently bad. 

Helen takes off and Natalie brings her detritus back to the kitchen.

Natalie: “Make way for the trash!”

 

I love you, Natalie.

Tootie begs her to stop talking like that and Jo tells her that people are starting to believe the rumors flying around about her. Natalie, insulted, wants to know how the other girls know the rumors aren’t true.

See, what’s happening here is that while the girls think they’re being good friends by saying that they know that Natalie is “not that kind of girl” (which is a horrible slut-shaming phrase that should never be uttered), Natalie sees it as them suggesting that she couldn’t have gotten busy with all these dudes if she’d wanted to. Natalie reminds them that the words they used in their cackle-fest three days earlier were “funny,” “hysterical,” and “ludicrous.” Natalie darts upstairs while the other three girls realize their role in this.

None of this would be an issue if it weren’t for the goddamn binary and that stupid-ass double standard with respect to sexual experimentation.

Upstairs, Natalie angrily flips through a book before being interrupted by Mrs. Garrett, who has come to give Natalie a pep talk and a sympathy pat.

Mrs. Garrett says that she knows what Natalie has been up to: not anything with the boys, but letting and even encouraging people to believe that she is a great big whore. Which there’s nothing wrong with being if you are, but Natalie’s not. That last bit was me. I don't think Mrs. G would agree.

Mrs. Garrett tries to defend the other girls by asserting that they didn’t mean she couldn’t be popular with boys, but that they couldn’t believe she did what Neil said she did because they know her so well. Natalie’s not quite buying it, but Mrs. Garrett encourages her to avoid making choices out of spite. I want to grumble about that but it is truly very sound advice.

Tootie interrupts to tell Natalie that Neil is downstairs. As Natalie begins heading out of the room, Tootie says,

“Natalie, I don’t know if all those rumors are true or not, and I don’t care. You’re still my best friend.”

YES! Thank you Tootie! It’s about time someone got the point.

Meanwhile, downstairs, I don’t feel sorry for Neil getting interrogated by his contemporaries. It really is a lovely display of sisterhood. Regardless of the underlying issue of vilifying sluttines, Neil lied about Natalie and that is not OK.

Neil says that he’s come over to cancel their date as Natalie enters the lounge. “Why?” she reasonably asks.

Neil: “You’ve got a bad reputation!”

When Natalie says that she didn’t do anything with any of the guys and Neil replies, “That’s not what I heard,” he gets the retort he deserves.

“I didn’t do anything with you either. That’s not what I heard.”

Neil boo hoos that there was so much pressure because it was his first date and the guys were grilling him and blah blah blah, and when the other guys came back with stories he believed them because why would they lie?

Blair: “The same reason you did, twerp!”

Jo: “Yeah! How would it look if they came back with nothin’ after a nerd like you says he hit a homer?”

Yeah, that’s some good sister backup right there. And when Neil starts protesting that he had to protect his reputation, Natalie is ready to take over.

“All my life I’ve been told to be a good girl! It was easy to do; up until now I never had a date! Now after one – ONE – innocent trip to the library, all those years of hard work go down the tubes! Why? I’ll tell you why! Because you spent those same years being told, “You gotta make out; get a rep as a ladies’ man. I’m a victim of macho malpractice!”

Tip: If I’m ever mad at you, you can instantly win back my love by calling out toxic masculinity. Extra points if you want to help me try to make "macho malpractice" a thing.

Neil is contrite. Natalie very graciously tells him that she understands what he was going through, and in a way she did the same thing by fueling the rumors. The problem for both of them, she decides, was being too concerned about what other people think.

Neil: “I really do think you’re a great girl.”

Natalie: “Yeah?”

Neil: “Didn’t we enjoy being with each other?”

Natalie: “Yeah.”

Neil: “Whaddaya say we just forgive and forget?”

Natalie: “No.”

Awesome Natalie tells him that an apology isn’t enough. Jo tells him to supplement it with leaving town; Blair suggests two dozen roses and a strand of pearls. But Natalie just wants him to take responsibility for setting the record straight. Neil agrees that he owes it to her, and he heads out to start restoring Natalie’s good name.

With the boy gone, Jo and Blair tell Natalie what a good job she did and how proud they are of her.

Natalie admits that she’s excited that he’ll have to go humiliate himself by telling everyone the truth and come back groveling – because then she’ll get to go out with him again.

I love you, Natalie. And I feel like at the end here, where Jo and Blair are hugging and congratulating Natalie under the credits, accomplished actresses Nancy McKeon and Lisa Whelchel are also congratulating Mindy for crushing her first starring role this season.