Facts takes on the issue of incarcerated parents (Recap episode 2-12: The Secret)

Recently, I got a comment suggesting that we accept Jo's reformation and stop pigeonholing her as a criminal. I so, so appreciate the place where this person's comment comes from. The law enforcement and criminal court system in this country (which have very little to do with justice) is, frankly, offensive. One really small thing we can all do is stop letting letting the word "convicted" ruin someone's life. People say, "Don't be a criminal! It's that simple!" as if the entire world continues to be open to you when you have to check that goddamn box. Defining someone by their history despite substantial evidence of change is bullshit and is the sort of thing that keeps people who have been convicted of certain offenses from being able to participate in society in the way required to avoid a life of crime.

I give Jo shit because her reformation was an essential part of her character, yet she continues to fake IDs for the girls and commit other petty crimes throughout the series, all the way through Season Nine when she commits a crime on purpose so she can spend the night in lockup because she doesn't have another plan.

But none of this is real, and the flippant way I talk about Jo being a criminal is not a thing I'd do about a real person. It's extraordinarily important to remember that people who go to jail or prison are still people, and they can't improve their lives if you don't give them a chance to do so. If this issue moves you, please consider getting involved with or donating to an organization that helps ex-offenders reintegrate; or one that works toward removing some of those barriers to reentry. If you need some pointers, please feel free to contact me.

The thing is, this episode is particularly prime for a recall to Jo's history of criminality and bad judgment through a "like father, like daughter" joke. Jo has received this year's Best New Student award despite having gotten herself and three of her classmates arrested and put on probation at school; had to work off a shoplifting beef at a department store; and tried to run away to get married to her (extremely hot) boyfriend in the middle of the night in the dead of winter. I'm not saying it's impossible; indeed maybe those things helped her to win the award, if it was decided by popular vote. 

Folks, Meet Natalie Green (Recap episode 2-11 "Sex Symbol")

"Men who are with lots of women are considered studs, while women who are with lots of men are considered sluts!" It's such an old trope, yet we're still mired in it today.

Like most of society's problems, that double standard has its origins in the gender binary. The discussion has become more open and toxic masculinity is starting to get the recognition and derision it deserves, and, as always, our beloved Facts addressed it early on, imperfectly, but ahead of its time. When I first revisited this episode to write this recap, I was annoyed for a while at it, but it came together OK at the end. I will grumble about the slut-shaming and a missed opportunity to really promote sex positivity, but this episode is ultimately a win.

If for no other reason, this episode is special because it is the first with the reduced cast to center on Natalie. Recall that Mindy Cohn wasn't an actress when she was cast in Facts. Charlotte Rae met her while visiting Westlake School in LA to do research for her part as Mrs. G. Charlotte Rae thought Mindy Cohn was so funny and adorable that she was a natural and would fit right in. In the first couple of seasons you can tell she's not a pro, especially when she has to purse her lips to keep from laughing at her own jokes. It's adorable. 

VSE: Teenage Suicide (Recap Epsiode 2-10 "Breaking Point")

Queen's "Don't Try Suicide" came out in 1980, and eight years later Heathers gave us Big Fun's "Teenage Suicide (Don't Do It)"

It's nearly 30 years later and teenage suicide is still a tragic societal problem. Our beloved Facts had a go at commenting on it in 1981 with a Very Special Episode that had potential but ultimately, sadly, falls flat.

We open with Natalie trying to put together her Visible Woman model. I had one of those! I never built it.

After Jo enters with laundry, Tootie, with great fanfare, announces the entrance of the new student council president, Blair Warner! Blair chooses an interesting political identity.

Tootie Nearly Ruins Mrs. G's Career (Episode 2-9 "Gossip")

I don't love this episode. It's not the first time and not the last that Tootie's gossip is an issue, and the biggest issue in the episode is not even all Tootie's fault. I guess when the last two episodes were the heart-wrenching two-parter that opens The Ballad of Jo and Eddie, a little stinker is forgivable. We also have a Very Special Episode coming up next week, but we don't know that yet.

We open, as we so often do, in the cafeteria. Blair has just gotten a new sweatshirt which she says will be perfect for the galleries. My mother had this sweatshirt.

We learn that in a day or two is the first of several trips to New York City (and the first of two times that poor Tootie gets ditched at home). Little wide-eyed Tootie, meanwhile, desperately wants to play Monopoly.

No one will play with her; they are all too busy preparing for the trip. She even offers to give Nancy, who has come by to browse the theater section of the New York Times in preparation for her rendezvous with her boyfriend Roger, an extra ten thousand dollars of game money. Poor, sad child.

Trying another tack to get attention, Tootie eagerly announces that she has some dirt on the headmaster. She succeeds in grabbing everyone's interest, but she fails to impress Jo and Blair with the news that Mr. Harris wears a toupee. They scoff that it's old news and call her that most painful of insults when you're a tween: kid.

Tootie protests that she's not a kid and she didn't want to go on their dumb boring stupid trip to New York anyway. 

She follows her tantrum with a plaintive "Why can't I go?" and Mrs. Garrett explains that the trip is only for the upperclasswomen.

It's a perfect time for Natalie to pop in and ask if they like her jeans for the trip. Natalie gets to tag along because she's writing an article on the UN for the student newspaper. The three girls who get to travel shuffle off together to discuss the trip, while poor Tootie stays forlorn with her empty Monopoly board.

Mrs. Garrett offers Tootie milk and cookies, while Tootie wishes that she were big.

This is not the only time that Tootie laments about being younger than the other girls. If I wrote fanfic, I would write one about Tootie going to a carnival and waking up as an adult. 

Now, though, Tootie dolefully heads upstairs, and once she's gone, Mrs. G mentions to Howard the chef that she'd better get headed out to her eye appointment, where she expects that she'll have to get her eyes dilated. That's Chekhov's eye dilation to you.

Upstairs, Tootie approaches the bedroom door and hears Jo and Blair talking inside.

After Blair secures Jo's assurance that where she comes from, "You squeal and they ship your tongue to Cleveland," Blair explains: she wants Jo to cover for her on Saturday night when she plans to sneak out of the hotel and go out with Roger. Nancy's Roger.

Roger is taking Blair to see Baryshnikov. Why he's taking her instead of Nancy is not explained. Jo refers to Baryshnikov as "some leapin' Lithuanian," which seems too ignorant for Jo to me, but I guess it's still pretty early in her character development. She makes a comment about how pissed Nancy will be when she finds out that Blair is stealing her guy.

Blair: "I'm not after Roger! I'm after Baryshnikov."

Nancy busts Tootie listening through the door and they go in to the room together. Nancy seeks Blair's advice about the fact that she just got off the phone with Roger, and he cancelled on her for Saturday.

Blair feigns sympathy, claims she has to help Jo tune up her bike, grabs Jo, and bails, leaving Nancy in the room with Tootie.

Tootie offers to lend a sympathetic ear, but Nancy says that she needs to find someone older who will understand. As she's just about out the door, Tootie singsongs, "I guess you wouldn't be interested in what I know about ROG-ER!"

Tootie spills it, and after agonizing that she'll kill him, Blair, and herself, Nancy bolts out the door, livid. Tootie is pleased with herself as she muses that "Blair is in trou-ble."

Downstairs, Nancy confronts Blair and they snipe at each other, until Blair demands to know who told her. "A very close friend!" is all Nancy will disclose before taking her revenge with the handy tools she finds nearby.

Jo, who has conveniently entered the room, asks what's up with Nancy and Blair turns her fury on Jo, thinking she must've been the one who told Nancy. Jo is equally furious, indignant that Blair would dare suggest that she went back on her word. It gets ugly.

Tootie's class A dirt, meanwhile, has turned her into a minor Eastland celebrity as Sue Ann and Nancy follow Tootie around trying to get more on the Blair and Roger story.

In the kitchen, Mrs. Garrett has returned from her eye appointment. They dilated her eyes and she's very wobbly. She stumbles into the dining room where Tootie, who is now alone, hears her say "I'll just sleep it off." She knocks over a tray of napkin holders and a chair before Tootie makes a joke about how her uncle was like that, especially on Saturday nights. Mrs. Garrett doesn't help when she says that "It's amazing what a couple of drops can do to your vision." They trade a few more innuendos before Mrs. Garrett heads upstairs.

I think it's pretty important to note here that Tootie isn't judgy at all. She seems, in fact, to find the whole thing hilarious, which I think is great. I'm constantly on a mission to reduce the stigma against drunks. Of course alcohol can be super destructive and if you're drinking instead of fulfilling your responsibilities, then you've got a problem. But if you're off for the afternoon and you decide to have a lunch bender, that shouldn't bother anyone at all. Good for you, Tootie.

Natalie returns to the cafeteria as Tootie giggles. Natalie wants to know what's up of course, and Tootie informs her that Mrs. Garrett was just in the room and she was really "funny." Nat points out that she's always funny. Tootie clarifies:

I have to say that what happens next really isn't Tootie's fault. When Sue Ann and Cindy return to the cafeteria, Natalie is the one who tells them that there's some great gossip, and Natalie is the one who spills the beans over Tootie's protestations. Typically, Natalie can do no wrong, but she really screws the pooch here. It's really on her that the story gets back to Headmaster Harris, whom we hear declaring that "appropriate steps will have to be taken" as we fade to commercial.

When we return from commercial, Mr. Harris has dropped in to visit Mrs. Garrett, who continues to innocently call suspicion to herself as she sprays her plants with a mister made out of a Chianti bottle while singing "How Dry I Am."

The Three's Company style misunderstanding continues as Mr. Harris says that he heard a nasty rumor going around while he adjusts his, er, hair.

Mrs. G: "Oh, it got back to you..."

Mr. Harris: "It certainly did."

Mrs. G: "Well, I think folks will forget about it if we all just ignore it, don't you?"

Mr. Harris: "Mrs. Garrett! This is a very serious matter!"

Mrs. G: "I understand, Mr. Harris. It is serious. To you. But no one else is going to lose any hair - er, sleep - over it."

Mr. Harris: "Well obviously I can't let you take those girls to New York!"

Mrs. G: "Oh, Mr. Harris, good heavens! Who are the girls going to tell in New York? Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"

Mr. Harris: "Well that is not the point! The point is that I'm very concerned about your drinking problem!"

Mr. Harris tells her that it's all over campus, and Mrs. G. stops just short of actually saying the words "bullshit." She explains that she had been to the eye doctor, and Mr. Harris believes her - once she shows him her eyeglasses prescription.

Mrs. G puts the pieces together that the rumor must have started with Tootie, whose reputation precedes her as Mr.s Garrett declares her "in trou-ble."

Downstairs, Blair, Natalie, Tootie, Sue Ann, Nancy, and Cindy are all combing over the goss. Blair doesn't believe it and Tootie is mortified. Props to the writers/director for not putting Jo in this scene. It would have strained credulity to have Jo partaking in the gossip, even if she didn't believe it. Now if only they could have remembered that Natalie is a goddess.

The girls shush each other as Mrs. Garrett enters the room. She summons Tootie to the kitchen for a word.

Tootie defends herself, saying she just passed on a little information and it got out of hand through no fault of her own. Well, clearly it's not no fault of Tootie's, but it's not all her fault. Natalie should really be in there getting read the riot act too).

Mr. G points out that she could have gotten fired, and that Tootie could have asked her what was going on and found out that she'd had her eyes dilated at the doctor's office. Tootie is delighted to discover that Mrs. G doesn't have a drinking problem, and she magnanimously decides to "spread the good news" as fast as she can.

Before she can go, though, Mrs. G continues to shame Tootie, pointing out that Tootie's penchant for gossip has pissed a lot of people off recently. Tootie acknowledges that she's a blabber, but it's getting the older girls to pay attention to her. Our wise matriarch tells Tootie that while they might be paying attention to her, they'll never confide in her or trust her like a real friend. Tootie wants to make amends, and agrees to tell the girls the truth.

Out in the cafeteria, Tootie tells the girls that Mrs. Garrett was not drunk, but just "had her eyeballs diluted." And by the way, that secret that was just between Blair and Jo was actually among Blair, Jo, and Tootie.

The truth does not set Tootie free, but rather obligates her to Mrs. Garrett's fitting punishment. If she can't stop wagging her tongue, she's going to wag it over one thousand envelopes that need to be mailed.

Tootie laments that she knows what she'll be doing while the girls are in New York, and because all's well that ends well, the other girls decide to help. Hugs and licks all around. For now.

Jo's Crime Spree Continues (Recap episode 2-6: "Shoplifting")

Joanna Marie Polniaczek is the tough girl with the brain of a genius and the heart of  a lion. She was an important role model to me, and, I've heard, to other LGBTQ or otherwise gender-nonconforming people.

But it is an unavoidable truth that sister is a criminal.

Her crime spree started in her very first episode where she faked IDs and stole the school van to get to a bar. Although she softens and learns lessons that ultimately lead her to Valedictorian status and a generally erudite life, Jo never really stops her reign of fraud.

Here we are in Jo's first season, and we're already on her third crime. Tsk Tsk.

We open with a heternormative throw-away comment and typical Jo/Blair sniping. Jo earns my wrath for the following exchange:

Make Love to the Camera (Recap episode 2-14, "Pretty Babies")

You know which one this is.

We open with Blair on the phone with this week's never-seen-boyfriend, Scott. He's obsessed with Blair's eyes apparently, you know, those "chestnut brown eyes with green and gold flecks." Jo is disgusted, Mrs. Garrett is amused, and Tootie comes into the room to declare:

"I'm tired of being underdeveloped."

Turns out she's talking about her photos. Apparently she's all into photography now, but her pictures just aren't coming out right (Blair: "I'm missing part of my head in this one!" Jo: "Yeah, just like real life.")

RIP Zsa Zsa - a requiem recap (Episode 2-13 "Bought and Sold")

Zsa Zsa Gabor was a woman known for her beauty and glamour. She wore loads of makeup and diamonds and furs and all sorts of things of which I heartily disapprove. Yet there was always something adorable and relatable about her, which seems weird as I'm writing it, but that's how it feels. And, of course, she appeared in a Facts episode, one which, I realized on the day of her death, is a critique of her own lifestyle and a very underrated episode.

This is the one where Blair decides to become a makeup salesperson. God, multi-level marketing is such an 80s thing; there was even a Sweet Valley High book that has a subplot where Jessica sells shampoo and soap.

Our first important introduction of the episode is to Natalie, who says she doesn't mind polishing silverware because her "social life is about as exciting as a Gomer Pyle rerun [laugh track]." It's been a couple of episodes since she got a reputation for being easy and had a date every night, so the timing is about right for her to be ready to get out again.

Recap episiode 2-4 "Who am I?" or: Did you know Tootie is black?

Regular readers of this blog know that I constantly give props to the show for its progressive addressing of a number of controversial topics, while still recognizing when it is a product of its time and duly criticizing the damaging institutions it entrenched. There is also a third category of Facts of Life episodes: where the show's heart is in the right place and the message is a good one, but the execution is so ham-fisted that it's hard to watch it without chuckling a little bit, even as you feel guilty for chuckling about a really good effort in a time when not a lot of popular culture was making this effort. This episode is the epitome of that phenomenon.

At least that's how I feel. Perhaps I should get on with the recap and let you decide what you think.

This is the episode where Tootie deals with an identity crisis, which is a product of being one of very few black girls at Eastland and the only black girl in her circle of friends.

We open with Natalie and Tootie entering the dining room as Tootie tries to heckle Natalie into calling the boy she likes and inviting him to be her partner in Eastland's dance contest. They're interrupted by the entry of a delivery boy we've never seen before. 

Recap episode 2-3 "Double Standard" or Rich dick gets skewered

One of the best things that ever happened to me at law school was when I found out that one of my classmates reads this blog. It was his birthday last week, so, as I did last year, I shall recap the episode of his choice, and it's a doozy.

We open with the girls, minus Blair, playing Scrabble while Mrs. G looks on and sort of backseat Scrabbles, much to Jo's annoyance. Enter Blair, with one of her patented white-boy-with-chiseled-features boyfriends.

Recap episode 2-8 "Teenage Marriage, Part 2 or: Then Jo Ran Off with Eddie

Previously on The Facts of Life:

When we last saw Jo and Eddie 
They was runnin' off to wed
Blair 'n' Edna tried to stop 'em
But they pushed 'em close instead
Jo said, "Only Eddie gets me!"
Eddie said, "Babe, say 'I do!'" 
And they rushed right out of dinner
And so now I bring to you...

...the conclusion of "Teenage Marriage."

Recap episode 2-7 "Teenage Marriage, Part 1 or: The Ballad of Jo and Eddie

Last week while catching several Facts episodes on Logo with my sister (more on how Logo hacks up the episodes in another post), we ran across all but one episode featuring Jo's first true love: Eddie Brennan.

C'mon, isn't he a heartthrob? Those eyes! That gentle, loving face! That precious overbite! In 1981, this was exactly the dude whose picture we ripped out of Tiger Beat and hung on our walls. He's way hotter than anyone Blair ever dated. I had a hell of a crush on him. I also had a crush on Mike Reno of Loverboy at the time. 

And this is my dude/boyfriend/partner whatever is one's preferred term for an unmarried committed opposite-sex bedfellow.

What can I say, I like cute, friendly-looking white guys with blue eyes.

Eddie was the first of the girls' boyfriends to recur, and I know I wasn't the only one pining for him. Facts gave us Eddie as a great character whose stagnation helped to highlight Jo's growth, and then whose own growth broke all of our hearts. Even as we knew that their lives were heading in different directions and that it was best for them to go their separate ways, we wanted Jo and Eddie to work out. We wanted an Eddie of our own, who would come back after a separation and just explode with chemistry, and we were devastated when it became clear that it just was not going to work out.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Because this was such a poignant saga, and because it's one of very, very few continuing story arcs in the series, I've decided to recap the arc's episodes back to back, and take you with me on the painful journey that is: The Ballad of Jo and Eddie.

Recap episode 2-5: "Cousin Geri"

This episode needs no subtitle. This IS the episode that introduces us to groundbreaking character - and namesake of this blog - Cousin Geri.

For those of you that don't remember Cousin Geri off the top of your heads, she is Blair's cousin, she's a comedian, and she has cerebral palsy. She was introduced in season 2, in 1980, at a time when people with disabilities were not particularly visible on television (they still aren't, but it has gotten somewhat better and at least awareness has improved). I can verify that the Facts of Life impacted at least one person with respect to at one disability, though, because the entire reason that I know what cerebral palsy is is this show.

This past Sunday, a friend of mine in the New York area was ambushed by police officers who yelled "Give me your keys or you're going to jail" as she was getting into her car. Apparently they had received an anonymous call about a woman who looked drunk heading toward a vehicle. She wasn't drunk. She does have cerebral palsy (and a Ph.D. and an extremely prestigious NIH research grant). She has been meeting with higher-ups in the department who acknowledge the need to be a little less shitheaded about such things, even as they take every such call seriously. She's fine, and working with some good supervisors about better training for officers.

Anyway, because absolutely everything relates back to the Facts of Life for me, when I saw her Facebook post about the incident, my head immediately went to this episode. And so I'll do my part by recapping it.

Recap Episode 2-2: "The New Girl - Part 2" or The completion of the introduction of JO FREAKING POLNIACZEK

Back in September, I treated you all to a recap of the episode where we are finally introduced to our tough-talking, motorcycle-riding, fist-clenching, gender-nonconforming heroine, Jo. Then the sky fell and I dropped out of blog world for a while, so apparently I never told you what happened! Better late than never, they say, so I present to you the conclusion of THE EPISODE WHERE WE FINALLY GET JO.

When we last saw our friends from Eastland, they were getting arrested at the Chugalug bar after stealing the school van and getting it wrecked so they could drink underage and pick up dudes. The arrest wasn't a foregone conclusion though, until 7th or 8th grade Tootie decided to pour a pitcher of beer on a cop.

 

And now, the conclusion of "The New Girl."

Recap Episode 2-1: "The New Girl - Part 1" or HELLS YEAH WE FINALLY GET JO!

I haven't put up a new post in a couple of weeks due to vacation followed by the opposite of vacation. But now that I have given my presentation to complete my summer class and I'm a week into fall classes and the National Lawyers Guild conference is over, I am excited to be back in the Facts of Life blogging biz. And what better way to come back to the table than by bringing you what I know you've all been waiting for.

JO FREAKING POLNIACZEK

After season 1, apparently the powers that be felt that there were too many girls on the show and they were going to streamline it. Blair was the standout star, so she stayed. Presumably they kept Token Tootie for racial diversity, and Natalie and Tootie kind of went hand in hand. According to Molly Ringwald, her "Molly" character was supposed to be the fourth girl, but they decided to go with a new character, Nancy McKeon's "Jo," instead. And so it was that we gender non-conforming, wannabe tough talkers got a childhood idol.