The Facts of Sexual Harassment in Hollywood: #NotThisShow

The floodgates have opened and women and children in Hollywood have finally been coming forward and being believed about the abuse they suffered at the hands of powerful grown men. Notably, Facts alumna Molly Ringwald wrote a powerful account in the New Yorker about her own experience as a young actress.

When I was thirteen, a fifty-year-old crew member told me that he would teach me to dance, and then proceeded to push against me with an erection. When I was fourteen, a married film director stuck his tongue in my mouth on set. At a time when I was trying to figure out what it meant to become a sexually viable young woman, at every turn some older guy tried to help speed up the process. And all this went on despite my having very protective parents who did their best to shield me. I shudder to think of what would have happened had I not had them.

When I read this, the first thing I did was the math. Could any of this have happened on the Facts of Life set?

Richard Moll? That's Bull!

TV junkies may already know about the Tommy Westphall Universe. Here is my commentary on the argument that The Facts of Life fits into it.

In an unrelated turn of excellent events, a friend of mine mentioned on Facebook that he was watching Night Court. Oh, how I used to love that show. I asked if he knew which Night Court regular appeared as himself on two episodes of Facts.

It's not a big secret but also not necessarily common knowledge.

In the two-part opener of season nine of Facts, Richard Moll appears as himself, and when they meet in the police station in Malibu, Jo ends up housesitting for him. It includes a predictable but funny joke:

Jo: "I'm housesitting for Richard Moll."
Tootie: "Richard Moll? That's Bull!"
Jo: "No, really."

Snerk.

But what we do know is that Night Court is a fictional show that exists in the Facts of Life universe.

It turns out that Night Court isn't in the Tommy Westphall universe, so this revelation doesn't really mean anything, other than that perhaps Night Court is the proverbial dream within a dream within a dream.

Also, I heart the 80s.

The Cats of Life

I love animals. When my then-boyfriend (now husband) and I moved to the mountains last year, we were very excited to introduce a dog into our family soon. But I had the bar exam, and then the wedding, so we said we'll get the dog when things settle down. We're still dogless, because we have imposed upon ourselves the condition that we must be home for thirty days straight before we can bring in the responsibility of a dog. We haven't managed that yet. Wish us luck.

But you know who else never had a dog? The Facts girls. But they did briefly have a cat in the two-part final episode of season five. Jo was none too pleased.

Short Engagements: What do I have in common with Mrs. Garrett and Jo?

According to wedding website The Knot, the average engagement is fourteen months. Tootie was likely engaged for something like that. She got engaged in episode 9-7 and was still engaged, planning her wedding, when the series ended. Victor and I were engaged for two months. There's no right or wrong, of course, but you know which other engagements were short? The other ones on Facts! Casual viewers may not remember that besides Tootie's engagement, there were three weddings planned (and two executed) in the course of the series: two for Mrs. Garrett (one that took) and one for Jo. And then there was mine.

Also starring: the corresponding spouses.

I know. Them's some white-ass muthafuckas.

Couple number one: Edna Garrett and Ted Metcalfe. Wedding scheduled for episode 6-17 "Two Guys from Appleton."

Couple number two: Edna Garrett and Bruce Gaines. Wedding scheduled for episode 8-1 "Out of Peekskill."

Couple number three: Jo Polniaczek and Rick Bonner. Wedding scheduled for episode 9-19 "Till Marriage Do Us Part."

Couple number four: Vikki and Victor. Wedding scheduled for December 31, 2015.

Before I continue, please note that photos from my wedding are courtesy of Elizabeth Livingston and Cindy McElhiney, dear friends who photographed the event.

Background

Edna and Ted

Edna and Ted were high school sweethearts. They had dated for a year and a half when Ted gave Edna his pin and they enjoyed their first kiss. Two and a half years later, they were supposed to go to a dance together. Ted was late because he got held up working at his father's hardware store. (NB:When George Clooney appeared in season eight he also worked at his father's hardware store. This comes from Charlotte Rae's memories of her father's own hardware store.) While she was waiting for Ted to pick her up, a vacuum cleaner salesman came by the door, and she was smitten. So she dumped Ted's ring on his doorstep and never talked to him again.

Good People: The Clark Brandon Interview (part 3)

Greetings, readers, and welcome to part three of my exclusive interview with Clark Brandon, 80s heartthrob and Facts' own Eddie Brennan for four episodes. In part one, we learned about Clark's history and initial thoughts about Facts, as well as about how sweating in a peacoat can be an acting breakthrough. In part two, we talked about who Eddie was, his character, and his outcomes. We also learned that there was very nearly a Jo and Eddie spinoff! I would have watched it. But whatever happened to Clark after Facts, and what is he doing now? To find out, continue on to Good People: The Clark Brandon Interview Part Three: I'm very respectful of people who reach out to me.

Good People: The Clark Brandon Interview (part 2)

Last month, I was able to sit down via Skype with Clark Brandon, the actor who played Eddie, Jo's boyfriend, in four Facts episodes in seasons two, three, and five. My biggest takeaway is that Clark Brandon is good people. Since he was nice enough to speak to me for a long time, there's a lot of content! Therefore I'm posting it in three parts. Part 1, discussing his early career and how he came to be on Facts, is published here. What follows is Part 2: Jo and Eddie would have been a great show!

Good people: The Clark Brandon interview - Part 1

One thing I've learned over the years is that if you don't ask, you don't get. I still suffer from great fear that I will "look stupid" if I ask for something, but I've also learned that "looking stupid" to someone who has no idea who you are isn't that big a deal, so if I have nothing to lose, I tend to ask.

As I was writing the recaps for The Ballad of Jo and Eddie episodes, I came across some contact information for Clark Brandon, the actor who played Eddie. I battled my impulse to not look stupid and I sent him an e-mail about the blog. I also asked him if he would be open to doing an interview with me.

A few days later, to my surprise and delight, he responded positively! We spent several weeks communicating to set up a time to conduct a Skype interview. On September 23, 2015, we were able to virtually come together to find out everything I wanted to know about both Eddie Brennan and Clark Brandon, and I'm happy to share it with you. What I learned most of all is that Clark Brandon is good people, and I'm extremely delighted to have had the opportunity to connect with him.

He was nice enough to speak to me for a very long time, so I'm going to post the interview in parts, divided in ways that seem logical to me. Please now enjoy Part 1: Not much on TV in the early 80s made sense.

Debunking the Tommy Westphall Universe's inclusion of The Facts of Life

I guess it's polite to warn that this post contains a spoiler for a TV show that has been off the air for 25 years. If you don't want to be spoiled about St. Elsewhere, you should probably not read on.

Earlier this week, I learned about the Tommy Westphall Universe. The 80s TV show St. Elsewhere ended by showing a miniature of the hospital in which the show took place inside a decorative snow globe, arguably implying that the entire series had taken place in the mind of a boy named Tommy Westphall, who was holding the snow globe at the end. The theory holds that because St. Elsewhere had a number of crossovers with other shows, if it is indeed the case that the St. Elsewhere universe was a figment of Tommy's imagination, the shows with which it crossed over must be as well. And it turns out that The Facts of Life is on the list. I had my suspicions, so I set out to understand the Tommy Westphall Universe, with the goal of proving that The Facts of Life is in fact real (I mean, obviously I know it's a fictional show, but you know what I mean) and its inclusion in the Tommy Westphall Universe is in error.

A Background of the Show and Characters for New Readers

I really have to apologize for the delay on new content. I underestimate the time commitment of certain things, including the end of the semester and planning to move. And I also have to apologize to many of my regular readers (Elizabeth and Will for certain; if there are others, please make yourself known!), because this post is regarding things you already know.

But you see, most of my posts are written assuming that my readers' recall of the show is as sharp as mine. I assume you know the general setting, the personalities of the main characters, and the general progress of the show from season one's giant cast through Edna's Edibles and Over Our Heads. You know which of Blair and Jo to ask for a loan and which of Natalie and Tootie to ask to proof your grant proposal.

Don't you?

I have a friend who didn't think she remembered it, and then did when she heard the theme song. She's been reading me every now and then since, and her experience has reminded me that I shouldn't expect everyone who might be interested to know the whole background. Regardless, it doesn't hurt to have the background, and when I get around to properly indexing the site, background posts will be crucial. So here is the first.

One very important thing before I start: this is a living document. Please please please comment with your additions or suggestions. Regardless of whether you can sing every different version of the theme song or whether you vaguely remember "Tootie," you can contribute to my goal of crafting a primer for the series! And then more people will read my blog!

So. Let us begin with the basics...

It's the interview of my dreams! Except EW did it, not me

Many thanks to a Kiwi friend living in Australia, who pointed me to this Entertainment Weekly interview with many important Facts of Life personalities. Everyone from Blair to Mr. Bradley to Assad freaking Kelada talking behind-the-scenes and secret stories? Yes, please. And thank heavens they did it while Charlotte Rae is still alive. Sister be pushing 90. That's one death I should probably start preparing for.

The interview didn't provide too much in the way of factual information that I didn't already know, but that's not really what a thing like this is about. It's much more fun to hear the reflections of those involved, that is, the things that aren't objectively factual but which communicate so much more to a fan, or at least, to a graduate-level Facts fan like me.

Wrong recollection interlude
Alan Thicke is wrong when he asserts in the interview that you don't ever hear the entire song in the show. In the first season, the entire song was indeed sung over the opening credits (with Charlotte Rae singing some key lines), and in some subsequent seasons, the lyrics that are cut in the opening credits are sung over the closing credits. Take THAT, Thicke! (P.S. Your son is a creep.)

How Season Six was the series's most pivotal season

In the unlikely event that you, dear reader, are unaware of the greatest news of 2015, The Facts of Life complete series has FINALLY been released on DVD.

I know DVD is old school these days, and they're probably only selling it to squeeze a few more dollars out of people like me before it ends up streaming on Netflix. I'm OK with that. I'm trying to enjoy this tremendous treat in small doses so I can extend the joy. That didn't stop me from binge-watching Season Six upon receipt of the series, though. A girl's gotta have some kind of fulfillment.

I've had each of seasons one through five on DVD since their release dates. I've caught scattered episodes of seasons six through nine (Nick at Nite, Comcast on-demand). I also have my own collection that I put together myself back in the day:

But it doesn't get airplay anymore, VHS players are getting harder to find, and when you've got the real, uncut thing on DVD, you realize how much of the episodes got lost in syndication. What this all means is that I haven't really watched seasons six through nine properly in well over a decade. I had forgotten - or maybe I never even noticed - how very important season six was. It was. Let me tell you how.

THE OFFICIAL FACTS OF LIFE TIMELINE (Version 1)

I'm using the word "official" rather loosely; it's official only to the extent that, to my knowledge, I'm the only one who has gone through the trouble of putting together an official timeline, and it all comes from episode information. Remarkably, the timeline is incredibly consistent throughout the entire series. I find this impressive, especially for a show that comes from an era in which fans weren't picking apart every little inconsistency online after it aired. There might be a hiccup here or there (I will be looking for them as I watch episodes now), but there's nowhere where the girls have three junior years or suddenly go from being twelve to getting married or anything like that.

BUT it is not clear whether Season Four begins a new school year or not. If it does, the entire series starts a year earlier and it affects the girls' ages from seasons one to three. There are clues, which I will discuss, that I think support the theory that seasons three and four span one year.

With the excellent Facts of Life episode guide over at tv.com and my own memory, I've nailed down the girls' ages relative to each other and the world, plus remembered some highlights that I'm looking forward to enjoying when my Facts of Life: Complete Series DVD set arrives on Tuesday.

Inspiring a generation of lesbians? More on Jo's sexual orientation via speculation about Nancy McKeon's.

For some reasons that are not relevant but I'm happy to share if anyone is interested, I showed up at work this morning with my Facts of Life Seasons 1 and 2 DVDs in my backpack. I believe that this shows how very awesome I am, so I showed them to a coworker of similar age, who I thought might be entertained that I was carrying them around. She was, and we had a bit of a chat about the show.  Some other coworkers overheard and, also thinking that the show is awesome, joined in. It quickly became apparent that if you have a vague memory of the show, I can help fill in details, and if you have a question about the show, I can answer it. One high-ranking official in our office said, "Hey, did Nancy McKeon ever come out?"


As I acknowledged in a previous post, the speculation regarding Jo's sexuality is nothing new, and I suppose it's not surprising for someone to extend that speculation to the actress portraying Jo. Nevertheless, I was quite taken aback by the question. It certainly implies that it's a fact known to the asker that Nancy McKeon is gay, and that's problematic unto itself. We're not talking about a comment from a member of the potentially ignorant masses here. We're talking high-level management of a famously liberal organization, one deeply involved in the Why Marriage Matters marriage-equality campaign.


I wondered, then, whether he knew something I didn't. While I am the most knowledgeable person about the Facts of Life and its actors that I know, the possibility certainly exists that there's something I missed. So I took to Google.

You take the black, you take the white...

Yesterday, an old friend, one I haven't really talked to since college, send me this timely link.

Go ahead. Click here. I'll wait.

Did you click? If you were afraid, it was just a photo of Lisa Welchel (Blair) with Busta Rhymes, posted yesterday at some kind of Sirius XM festival? I don't know. I don't really know how this Instagram thing works. If anyone can tell me more about where and what this event was, that would be rad.

More importantly, I just realized that I freakin' saw Busta Rhymes back in '02 at the Area 2 Festival! I don't know much about hip hop; I went to Area 2 'cause of David Bowie. But I remember "Pass the Courvoisier," during which Busta indeed passed the Courvoisier. I didn't get any. :(

And so I've decided that this is an excellent time to talk about how The Facts of Life addressed race.

Tootie.

Jo, Blair, Natalie and Tootie all had boyfriends, and here they are.

Today was going to be my first recap post, but I've received an inquiry of sorts from a follower which I will address instead. hobbywizard says:

"I don't recall any of them having boyfriends...ever."

hobbywizard, darling, your recollection is faulty. While it is absolutely true that the focus of the show was more about the relationships among the girls/women than their relationship to men, there were plenty of boyfriends of varying regularity throughout the show's run. In fact, the first entry was going to feature a rundown of boyfriends, but I found the task too monumental for the intro post, plus it just would have taken up too damn much space. But it's perfect for a post of its own!

Wait wait, wasn't Jo gay?

When I mention how much I like the show and how my own "WWJD" mantra stands for "What Would Jo Do," I am often asked whether Jo was gay. Not according to the show, nope. In fact, her love interests were relatively stable and she was the only one (besides Mrs. Garrett) to marry a dude on the show.

It bears noting that all of our heroines were decidedly heterosexual, and homosexuality or even bi-curiosity was never hinted at in any character (which makes it slightly less progressive, arguably, than Sweet Valley High).

The pilot of The Facts of Life takes a sideways glance at lesbianism, sort of. It's not the show's proudest moment. The 1979 pilot treatment was the only time the show even hinted that homosexuals existed. On the one hand, this is extremely sad for a show that's as progressive as this one was. On the other hand, it was 1979-1988, so I'm willing to give the show a pass for not covering everything..

The Internet Needs a Facts of Life Blog, and I'm Here to Provide It

I am an unrepentant devotee of The Facts of Life, a television show that ran from 1979 through 1988. I've seen every episode multiple times. I have most of them on VHS, although I recorded them mostly from TVLand when they were in syndication in the 90s, so there are bits missing (in syndication, bits were cut to make time for more commercials). I have seasons one through five on DVD; I would love to have to complete collection but Sony has only released the first five seasons. In fact, one of my hopes in starting this blog is to unite the Facts of Life community (or, indeed, make one) so that we can pressure Sony to get the rest of the episodes out already!

The version of the credits familiar to most people

Although I don't know if lobbying for DVDs is a move that's hopelessly behind the times. Are DVDs already passe?